Well, is he the devil or isn't he?

Earlier this week, when Venezuelan president/dictator/fat boy Hugo Chavez called George W. Bush the devil at a U.N. summit, the South American strong man nearly set off an international incident. Lost in the hubbub, however, an unanswered question remains.
Is President George W. Bush in fact Satan?
As you might expect, this called for a Pig Jamboree investigation!
After culling over thousands of records, we put the president’s proclivities towards evil on our patented Satanometer. (The first E is soft, pronounce it like thermometer.) Here’s how our man stacked up:

Seemingly intent on ruining the United States, a country well-known for its love of Jesus Christ. (+3)

Loves to Mountain Bike (-1)

Totally into the idea of global warming (+2)

Married to a librarian (-2)

Married to a potentially evil librarian! (+1)

Skull and Bones at Yale (+2)

Everyone knows its Princeton that’s in league with Satan (-2)

Frequently seen accompanied by small black hellhound Barney (+1)

Best pals with Dick Cheney, a man known for his good works (-3)

Also close with vice president Dick Cheney (as opposed to the aforementioned Dick Cheney, who spends most of his time volunteering at a D.C.-area soup kitchen and picking litter off the highway. Lots of people get them confused, but they couldn’t be more different.) (+4)

So, it looks like the president scores a 5, which means, alas, that he is not Satan. A 5 is nothing to scoff at, however; and indeed, homeboy is still quite a malicious force. On the Satanometer, George falls just ahead of your typical Norwegian metal band, and just below Nancy Grace.

Something tells me our boy isn’t quite done yet, though, and with two more years to go, if I were Nancy I’d be watching my back!

In the meantime, get your facts straight, Hugo!